Odds are this has happened to you… Pushing your trolley round the supermarket, you find somebody else's handwritten shopping list discarded within it. Perhaps left littered loosely or snug tight in the little clipboard.

Milk. Eggs. Bread. is a gallery featuring 500 of them (below are 301 to 400) each given a unique humorous story. All persons, events, and institutions are fictitious so any resemblance is coincidental. Adult themes are explored and it is best enjoyed on a desktop.

301. Main characters (i.e. Strawberrys and Raspberries) would need to be spelt correctly.

302. It wasn't a large list. Or wide. But it had to be that way with them blowing their budget on the England quick with the second-most wickets.

303. They always seemed to be at right-angles to each other but it worked for Hayley and Monty, even if others didn't see it.

304. All for under a pony and Lady Godiva? Easy for Ricardo. He'd once appeared on Bargain Hunt. And, according to the fellas down the club, made sure everyone knew!

305. With the whacky spelling of tobacco, everybody would always know that Darren was the coolest koala in town.

306. Everything can be made smaller. Even Samantha's name. She changed it from that day onwards.

307. Nothing could compare to the way she did her lists. She even signed them.

309. Why she wanted him to get fleas, he had no idea. But he always did as he was told so Teddy obliged.

310. The calligraphy was so precise that it took him three hours to put together. Unfortunately for Cam, the Co-op had shut by the time he was done.

311. Hayfever tablets were no longer a must. Terry could run through as many fields as she wanted now.

312. Life was always a gamble for Big Stevo. He even wrote his groceries on playing cards. One for every week of the year.

313. To cross things off rather than use the tick boxes was anarchy to Juliet. Come to think of it, they weren’t even boxes.

314. Although he suspected her family had ties to the Mafia, he thought it excessive for Tom to be chopped when they brought him in.

315. Callum was now off the pot. For good.

317. Lenny was ecstatic. He'd always wanted baked beans on medium-done toast.

318. Thursday 29th was the greatest day of their young lives. Cauliflower on the same day as beef paste! What a time to be alive for Robbie!

319. The Mafia were onto the Toms. Or as they called them: "Freezer food".

320. The Mafia's biggest rivals were also on the look out for Toms. They were known for "tinning" them.

321. Pink tights AND leggings! This hen-do was to be the best yet for Jen.

322. Why was he calling Margarine a regular mastubater? They weren't at the football where that is perfectly acceptable.

323. So it was really just one thing he wanted. If he couldn't decide, don't put anything down. That was Olivia's rule.

324. Even outside of school, you could not take the teacher out of Janice.

325. "Chicken, bleach, and lemonade?" "Yeah, that's Matty's bread and butter."

326. Eleanor had so many tabs open in her mind that any more would be too much. It's why she would never type her lists. The screen would freeze.

327. Douglas had to remember to pick up Dairy Lee before going out. They'd all called him this since school when he found out he was lactose intolerant.

328. There surely was no such thing as a "chips dessert" but he would give it a go. In the end, Benjamin mixed some McCains with a trifle.

329. Now Sadie had heard everything. Parrots at Morrisons! Next they'd be saying there was a way to combine snooker and psittaciformes. She calmed herself by watching an old rerun of A Question of Sport.

330. Paul landed back with a fifth of the Guardians of the Galaxy. His kids loved it.

331. The time Danni saved leaving letters out allowed her to shave 2.7 minutes off her wrapping PB.

332. If it had just passed, would it still be fresh? Emily thought not.

333. The bags would mainly be used for honey and teapots so needed to be sturdy, knew Fernando.

334. Did she want him to take charge more? Did she just want tea-making facilities? Rory guessed he would find out when he got home.

335. Lawrence went straight to the footballs and over-inflated one to breaking point.

336. She got so hungry in the queue at the self-service counter that Brenda munched on the corner. It wasn't great.

337. It was all white powder to Gregory.

338. Pudding was only on the menu at the weekends in Pam's house. You had to earn it by doing hoops for half an hour.

339. Joanne was cursing her luck. She'd written her number down and torn it off for the cute guy. But she now had to chase him round the store to see what item she was missing.

340. Ron entered the flat with so many different types of boxers. She'd wanted a Peace lily.

341. Her dog had wrestled for the list but she came out on top. Annoyingly, Buddy's teeth moved the letters about so they were now misspelt.

342. The crossed-out bits could be a skip code. Francis had heard of them in a Sherlock episode on the BBC.

343. As a plumber, everyone assumed he would find them before anybody else. But even Wayne couldn't find them in the veg section.

344. Postie Ralph did so well knowing exactly where this was being sent: Aisles 8, 2, 5, 9, then 3.

345. Kayla knew she'd made an error when she looked for bull's milk. That nearby field never saw her coming.

346. Gammon with custard. Reuben's favourite.

347. Lamb tend to be small breeds but it didn't stop Gloria doubting herself.

348. No spelling errors. No scribbles. This was her most perfect work yet. Mia added A4 frame to it to get later.

349. When Billy was young, he often wondered whether everybody saw, heard, or smelt things differently. This is why abstract concepts were less than useful here.

350. Three and five had been redacted. They would find out after Ruby's trial.

351. Spencer made a rod for his own back when he fell in the car park.

352. Angie certainly didn't have time to play Hangman to work out the first item.

353. Little Craig made sure mummy knew what she was doing by labelling it at the bottom. He also ensured books wouldn't be in the trolley. It was the summer holidays!

354. Pep was worried about his midfield so was glad when the till boy asked if he needed help packing it.

355. Thankfully, Britain's Got Talent auditions were happening round the corner so Regan managed to grab one or two.

356. Jarrod wrote it down on everything he could. They had tortured him but he'd overheard them say it twice thinking he was unconscious. Could these three words end the war?

357. He was told that X marked the spot. But there was no X. Elon had lost over 51% of it now.

358. This was found by the seashore. Plenty of sponges needed for Anton.

359. Jules knew she already had shower gel so wondered if she needed a laptop.

360. Cockney Connor realised there was no Cockney Connor-ism for £200.

361. He couldn't wait to be older. Ricky would then be able to do grocery lists of his own.

362. "Turn a day on its head." That's what Nana used to tell him.

363. What a win! Nothing from the list but a victory all the same for Diane.

364. It was all "me, me, me" with her. Now Garth knew why she insisted they call the pooch Mimi.

365. All of them stuck to the lines but Ciggs had to be different. Always different. Prick.

366. Flipper was used to human-made cages but this shopping trolley took the piss.

367. The fans were kettled to stop things kicking off. Guava's insults could still be heard over the fence though.

368. A lottery win would always be useful to Maria. The previous council tax bill was a joke!

369. Equals signs always live outside the brackets on Excel. What was Nancy playing it?!

370. James knew he needed to spot the hidden words within the text. But surely "get past chips" was too simple a task for the level of spy he now was?!

371. What the bloody hell happened here?!

372. Maurice is a legend. Everybody knows. He just needs a PR team. Or by the look of this, a RP team. They are so similar.

373. This meal deal was weird. Decent for £3.50 though for Edmund.

374. You put your right ton in. You take your left ton out. And you shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn around… People were now getting annoyed behind Howard in the queue.

375. Tinker Bell was busy but her grandmother was free tottering about in the fresh aisle. She took the call.

376. Numbers go in the squares! How many times did he need to hear it?! She now had concerns about the budget for the France and Spain trips.

377. She tried her best not to show it. She really did. But Caroline was annoyed she only got four large chickens on her birthday.

378. Luca and the lady that worked there both knelt down as low as they could but neither could see the teeth. Luckily, a dentist walked past and pulled it from the shelf.

379. Having picked up the £1 card, Flo realised she needed a few more bits while there. So the card got a new purpose.

380. With a general election in the offing, Lyndsey got ready for the hustings. They always got bored and hungry during those.

381. Libby was a hardened buyer. Fruit and veg did not need to be broken down.

382. With so many answers not marked, how was Theodore meant to know if he had left any points out there?

383. Riley scratched and scratched the scratchcard and won faeces.

384. They would be in a church for it but even Reverend Justin thought turning this lot into enough for everyone required a miracle.

385. How was Harvey meant to know which is red?! They were all clear now thanks to that silly Government in power. At least that's what grandad would say. It was different in his day.

386. There were no other lower case I's to fulfil the bubble prophecy. The capitals knew it would be too dangerous for them to try.

387. The world's strongest woman had licked the envelope and the world's strongest man opened it.

388. Arlo got the white sauce but not the right sauce *wink, wink* to enjoy with paracetamol.

389. She had smashed it! Crushed it! Ivy put stars on everybody’s faces.

390. Cucumber and celery had to stick together after what happened at last year's Christmas party. Nobody said they had photos of it but they knew. They knew.

391. Jillian wouldn't need the diffuser if she gave up the smoking. Two Polos wouldn't suffice for it either.

392. It was a hit list. Once Stanley was dead, Kai's marijuana dynasty appeared there for the taking.

393. Another case of a cue being looked for and never found in Morrisons. This was the worst snooker case DCI Biders had seen since the 1980s.

394. Ibrahim's level of organisation was becoming the talk of the town. The ladies loved his dating spreadsheet and date-night meal allocations.

395. Sex, drugs, and sausage rolls. Minus the sex. That was Oakley's life now.

396. He agreed they could give each other pet names if they were at home, but this was too soft for him. Donovan nearly threw up.

397. 13 annanas was an odd request but Mavis muddled through and came back with what she thought was best.

398. It wasn't Morse code. It wasn’t Braille. So what was the dot for? Eric had done his time. Served his country. Was he being dragged back into the game?

399. The girls had promised they'd given up the Blackjack but here they were again getting grandad involved. Mum would find out. Only they used the pink Post-It notes from the drawer.

400. Peas knew it was different. Penned with a different implement.