Odds are this has happened to you… Pushing your trolley round the supermarket, you find somebody else's handwritten shopping list discarded within it. Perhaps left littered loosely or snug tight in the little clipboard.
Kieran has found 500 lists, crafted unique stories for each, and even transformed them into a live show. Below, Rubbish Lists presents a curated selection of 70. To enjoy the full gallery, visit here.
All persons, events, and institutions are fictitious so any resemblance is coincidental. Adult themes are explored.
14. That is when Julie knew it could not be drugs. It was pot plural.
24. As he noticed someone else's discarded list for some reason, Kieran mused that cake and fish fingers did indeed appear beautiful in Bengali.
25. Linguine and Radox was always a phenomenal night for Big Stevo.
27. Even Santa Claus does admin.
(back of 27)
30. Leonie got coronation chicken and, just like that, the headache was gone.
32. Jess now understood why her father-in-law had called her an “apos-trophy wife”.
33. Mike knew he was masculine. He did not need to write it down.
37. The kids simply had the best night EVER!
39. Caroline and Anne's board game nights were legendary for their competitiveness. Never their spread.
(back of 39)
40. As if it warranted a question! Harry and Ruth did love their McCain's.
47. Wipes were fuming. They were fed up of being combined with Toilet Roll again. Handwash could sympathise.
50. Breaking Bad had made it to Morrisons.
55. Fletcher had planned the finest date night in years.
64. So much time was saved with the missing letters, Adrian knocked 4.8 minutes of his record.
66. Corey hoped the nappies would be in better condition than his paperwork.
70. Seth entered through the front door with multiple wives. He felt it probably did not say that because there would not be an F. But it was worth it. For now.
73. Grace was always a maverick. There were tick boxes but she still crossed them out.
77. Terrence needed the needle to sew up the tattered list.
81. Nate questioned whether the first item was an order to do something or an order to order something.
85. Bailey hated that three of Faye’s exes were on it. Tom, Lee, and the guy she only ever referred to as "Mr Muscle".
86. Was it a P.I.N. or was she asking for 7,899 loo rolls? Elliott was happy with his guess.
87. Nikki could have sworn carrots were on the list. Whether it was a horse or dog, the carrots were gone.
89. With just one thing on it, Nick seriously questioned why she thought this list necessary. Until he turned it over.
98. It was such art that Leroy felt compelled to sign it.
101. Wilfred had heard you could now get food delivered. So he popped it in the post box and waited in the pub.
(back of 101)
109. Ronan was so distracted by his super speedy broom-broom car that he bought meat for Wednesday and deodorant for the postman.
127. Putting fruit at the bottom of the list seemed like madness to Charlotte. It is the first thing you see! However, she did it in reverse. It is what he would have wanted.
129. Because this film was an 18, Aiden was surprised his mum let him watch it.
(back of 129)
140. The sketch of the egg made Deacon’s life so much easier.
141. Henrik did not normally do the kids’ friends’ parties. So how was he meant to know Jake and Alex were separate people?
142. Rumour has this as still the most successful shopping outing of Daniel’s entire family. So much so, they left it in the trolley to inspire future generations.
145. Sarah brought back Thomas Ascot, Tommy Wright, and Tom Forsyth.
172. The football party felt a little different. Some said it was because it was a boring 0-0. Others said it was because Mark's girlfriend had bought teddies rather than Carlings.
171. As an Oxford professor of literature, Matthew appreciated the irony of her coming back with tomatoes, oregano, and breadsticks.
182. As a book publisher, it was natural that Maximilian enlarge the first letter on everything. Rachel, however, was sad to see her husband had supplied no glossary.
184. Whatever news the letter brought, Sonny would have a right good knees-up with plenty of salad bits.
185. This was Abi's night and her night alone.
191. The lovely lady at the till helped with three down. She had done it on her break. They had made her take the early one so Sue was not a happy teddy bear.
193. When he asked the store assistant if he could show her his butter, Greg was politely asked to leave.
198. Dorothy was horrified by the language. Never in all her years as a prison warden had she heard lavatories referred to in that way.
218. The manager set the team up in a 2-3-1-4-1 formation.
270. He'd finally written down his best man options. Picking one of them would be the hardest bit for Harrison.
280. Jasmine lost five million pounds by putting her P.I.N. But she did get a Chomp.
286. Theo got there at 9:35 and waited until 21:58 for when the spuds had aged.
289. Damon was ready to commit fraud thinking he had found someone's bank details. However, in a fortuitous turn of events, he won that night's EuroMillions.
310. The calligraphy was so precise that it took him three hours to put together. Unfortunately for Cam, the Co-op had shut by the time he was done.
320. The Mafia's biggest rivals were also on the look out for Toms. They were known for "tinning" them.
322. Why was he calling Margarine a regular mastubater? They were not at the football where that is perfectly acceptable.
324. Even outside of school, you could not take the teacher out of Janice.
331. The time Danni saved leaving letters out allowed her to shave 2.7 minutes off her wrapping P.B.
334. Did she want him to take charge more? Did she just want tea-making facilities? Rory guessed he would find out when he got home.
342. The crossed-out bits could be a skip code. Francis had heard of them in that new Sherlock series on the Beeb.
344. Postie Ralph did so well knowing exactly where this was being sent: Aisles 8, 2, 5, 9, then 3.
345. Kayla knew she had made an error when she looked for bull's milk. That nearby field never saw her coming.
348. No spelling errors. No scribbles. This was her most perfect work yet. Mia added A4 frame to it to get later.
350. Three and five had been redacted. They would find out after Ruby's trial.
352. Angie certainly did not have time to play Hangman to work out the first item.
367. The fans were kettled to stop things kicking off. Guava's insults could still be heard over the fence though.
369. Equals signs always live outside the brackets on Excel. What was Nancy playing it?!
371. What the bloody hell happened here?!
376. Numbers go in the squares! How many times did he need to hear it?! Lottie now had concerns about the budget for the France and Spain trips.
379. Having picked up the card for a quid, Flo realised she needed a few more bits while there. So the card got a new purpose.
(back of 379)
395. Sex, drugs, and sausage rolls. Minus the sex. That was Oakley's life now.
400. Peas knew it was different. Penned with a different implement.
403. Just the basics. And a cigar.
410. A trio of Biros but four people. Who had contributed nothing to the task? Lord Sugar was not going to be happy. Especially as all Desmond had done was add fish.
433. The home XI had its team down early. The away team was messing about in two groups angering the match officials.
434. Romeo done!
459. Ice cream was fuming to be on the subs bench again.
475. Zak only liked good bread. Friendly bread. Helpful bread. None of that selfish loaf.